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3 Takeaways From the Latest Emotional Intelligence Study

A new review paper shows the secrets to success of having a high EQ.

You’ve undoubtedly heard of the concept of “emotional intelligence,” or “EQ.” It took hold in the 1990s and has only continued to attract the attention of both everyday people and academic psychology. Claims about its contribution to success in life, announced even before its heyday, still remain somewhat controversial, however. In part, this is because the concept has become so blurry and all-encompassing that some of the original subtleties in its definition have since become long lost.
To understand whether EQ really matters for life success, it’s necessary to dig down deep into its original meaning and then take a clear-headed look at the available research. Fortunately, this is now possible due to the publication (in press) of a new major review article that does just that.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
According to this new paper headed up by UCLouvain’s Thomas Pirsoul and colleagues (2023), this blurring of definitional lines is a major problem in evaluating EQ’s role in promoting life success. In their words, the “plethora of definitions and conceptualizations” can be categorized into two main areas: EQ as a trait-like quality or ability (personal resources approach) and EQ as a behavioral disposition that helps people feel better about their ability to navigate emotional situations (self-efficacy approach).
From the standpoint of EQ’s role in promoting life success, the Belgian authors narrowed their search through the vast literature to studies specifically focused on career. If EQ helps promote career success, it would do so by “developing awareness of one’s emotions” (p. 3). Defined as a general form of adaptive functioning, EQ allows people to “identify, understand, express, regulate, and use one’s own and others’ emotions” (p. 2).
Think now about people you would consider high in EQ. Perhaps you know someone at work, or who works with someone you’re close to, whom you regard as not just friendly but also sensitive, kind, and willing to listen. You trust this individual to show consideration to you but also to make good choices in their own life. They seem confident but not conceited, and you’ve seen them progress through their career in ways that you admire. Importantly, they are liked both by coworkers and supervisors, meaning that their progress up their career ladder seems that it should be easier for them than is true for most people.
EQ and Job Success
The route from high EQ to career ladder progression, as the UCLouvain authors propose, is charted through the intermediary step of adaptability. As you no doubt know from your own life experiences, being adaptable means that you can anticipate problems and then cope with them once they arise. If you are high in EQ, you can use your emotions to guide yourself through these difficulties.
High self-efficacy can build upon the strengths gained through career adaptability by helping individuals feel more confident about their ability to navigate work-related decisions. If you can, as high EQ implies, listen to your “gut,” you’ll feel that you have a more accurate career compass.
Self-efficacy can also contribute to an individual’s confidence in their so-called “entrepreneurial” skills. The belief that you can sell yourself, which is part of this skill, can help you be a more effective communicator of your own personal strengths. You might also be better able to read people, making you a better negotiator. Finally, you could be better able to launch new ventures based on EQ’s role in helping you manage the stress associated with striking out on your own.
The ability to manage stress becomes its own contributor to occupational success for those high in EQ. There are many situations in work settings, from job interviews to performance evaluations, in which people have to exert effort as they try to keep their stress down to manageable levels.
In evaluating the contribution of all of these factors to career success, the authors contrasted two theoretical models. In the trait or resource model, EQ alone would be enough to predict the objective favorable career-related outcome of salary and the subjective outcomes of feelings of job and career satisfaction. If career adaptability and self-efficacy serve as the intermediary influences on these outcomes, then this would support a model in which factors involving these two components are statistically better predictors than EQ is on its own.
After extracting data from more than 150 samples representing nearly 51,000 participants, Pirsoul and his collaborators concluded that the behavioral, rather than the trait or resource model, proved to have the strongest relationship to measures of objective and subjective career success. Supporting what they call the “career self-management model,” these findings show that people high in EQ do well because they are higher in self-efficacy. Supporting the “career construction model,” the findings also showed that people high in EQ do well because they can adapt to their circumstances, and they can also make better career decisions.
One set of findings also provided intriguing support for the notion that people high in EQ are lower in career turnover intentions, meaning that they are less likely to decide to quit their jobs or abandon their careers. Their greater self-understanding means that they choose a pathway that will be consistent with their needs and interests. Their better emotional self-regulation could also make them less likely to have problems with their coworkers and supervisors, going back to the idea that people high in EQ are just nice to have around.
Supporting the idea that EQ can continue to grow in adulthood, as is evident from prior research, the effect sizes for EQ and career outcomes were stronger for older samples included in the meta-analysis. It is possible that as people gain greater self-understanding, their EQ growth is reflected in these career adaptability and self-efficacy dimensions.
3 Ways to Get EQ to Work for You
These three takeaways from this study suggest that IQ is more than just a popular idea without academic merit:
1.People high in EQ do well in their careers, not just because they possess an overall higher level of knowledge about themselves but also because they know how to make good decisions and can approach work-related challenges with expectations that they can succeed. They also have greater internal self-awareness, allowing them to have a better idea of what they want out of their work lives. They can also negotiate with others more effectively, meaning that they are both better collaborators and also better strategists.
2.The UCLouvain study focused on work and, therefore, wouldn’t have direct applicability to relationships or other areas of adult life. However, given the importance of satisfaction with and success in one’s work role, it would make sense that the EQ findings would have favorable implications for well-being in general. There is extensive evidence throughout the career–family literature showing that satisfaction at work is related positively to satisfaction with one’s home life.
3.The final important conclusion of this study was the view that EQ isn’t a “thing” that you have or don’t have. Although high EQ may help improve an individual’s adaptability and self-efficacy, these latter two components of the Belgian model are behavioral in nature and, therefore, can be acquired.
To sum up, if you’re not naturally high in EQ, the Pirsoul et al. findings suggest that by using the skills that high-EQ individuals seem to have cultivated, you can find fulfilling outcomes in your most important life pursuits.

reference:
psychology today

link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/202305/4-takeaways-from-the-latest-emotional-intelligence-study
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How to Talk About Mistakes in a Romantic Relationship

Talking about errors can make a difference in how a couple feels.

When I teach my class on the psychology of close relationships, at some point I get around to talking about the “not so bright and shining” moments that partners have. You know, those moments when someone inevitably takes a wrong turn and does something that’s likely to feel upsetting to their partner. To be clear, even though not all misdeeds are inevitable, it’s a certainty that, generally speaking, an offense of some type or another will happen because we’re all human and everyone makes mistakes.
For instance, perhaps you promised to do your partner a favor and then lost sight of it. Maybe you’re regretting those inconsiderate words you uttered a couple of days ago. Or your partner might have been really opening up to you in a vulnerable way, but you closed up and weren’t listening. No matter whether we’re talking about a mistake that’s more significant or a smaller misstep, stumbles are going to happen in a couple's journey together and, as long as that couple chooses to remain together, it’s healthy and important to be able to repair hurts in an effective way.
This brings us to the question of how couples might be able to fruitfully repair interpersonal wounds. In a recently published study, a team of researchers examined this question as they created a new questionnaire with the idea of “co-rumination” in mind. Co-rumination is “the extended and or recurring discussion of issues in social relationships.” They drew upon past psychological research suggesting that how an individual person thinks about difficult experiences is linked with that person feeling better or worse. More specifically, they referred to two concepts that have been linked to the idea of rumination: Reflection and brooding. Reflection involves thinking about the problem to try and work it out, whereas brooding involves repeating the same types of thoughts about what’s wrong and how upset a person feels, and magnifying the problem.
As you can probably guess, the former is useful and gets you somewhere, and the latter can be harmful, even though it can seem compelling. Although these elements of rumination have been applied to relationships (that is, co-reflection and co-brooding being two sides of co-rumination), the research team pointed out that these ideas haven’t really been used to understand how romantic partners might talk in the wake of a misstep and whether co-reflection and co-brooding may be connected to how the conversation goes.
First, they created and studied a measure of co-rumination and found that it mapped onto three forms of communication: Co-reflection, co-brooding, and co-avoidance. Co-reflection involved trying to reach a shared understanding and address an issue, whereas co-brooding involved focusing on one’s own views and feelings and not making headway on an issue. Co-avoidance involved staying away from the issue altogether. Then, the research team looked at how these three elements were connected with how partners feel after discussions about relationship mistakes. Co-reflection was the only style that was linked with better experiences for partners, such as more dedication to the relationship, more goodwill, and a person’s ability to truly take responsibility and forgive themselves. For co-brooding and co-avoidance, these styles were connected to experiences such as less goodwill, more vindictiveness, less dedication, and less of a capacity to really take responsibility and pardon oneself.
Certainly, no study is perfect. The team correctly highlighted the need for more research with more diverse groups of people. Also, the investigators were right to state that their research doesn’t make it possible to say that co-reflection, co-brooding, or co-avoidance causes a particular outcome, and other studies should clarify the link between how partners talk about relationship errors and what emerges from their conversations. All the same, given that co-reflecting is connected with more beneficial experiences for partners, it’s probably not a bad idea to try it the next time you and your partner are addressing a stumble and hurt feelings.

What could this look like? Based on the team’s research and their questionnaire, here are some possible ideas:
1.Try to really acknowledge, accept, and support how your partner feels (for example, hurt, hopeful, scared, angry, sad, confused).
2.Try to set aside your own position for a moment. Instead, try to really listen to your partner and see if you can understand where they’re coming from.
3.Try to be open and receptive to your partner in the conversation.

reference:
psychology today

link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/your-future-self/202304/how-to-talk-about-mistakes-in-a-romantic-relationship
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What Does the Term Frenemy Really Mean?

Do you feel like someone might not have your best interests at heart?

A new study published in the Southern Communication Journal offers a succinct definition of a term that has become commonplace in pop culture over the past decade: What it means to be a ‘frenemy.’
“Despite the prevalence of frenemies in popular culture and the significant effect these relationships can have on our lives, frenemy scholarship is limited and contradictory,” says Dr. Jenna Abetz, the lead author of the study. “Developing an in-vivo definition of the frenemy relationship portrays the realities of these relationships as they are lived.”
To land on such a definition, Abetz and her team interviewed 29 adults between the ages of 19 and 62 to get a better sense of how individuals who have had a frenemy define and understand the term.
They found that many of the interviewees shared similar feelings about frenemy relationships, leading the researchers to land on the following definition: “Relationships, often negative, steeped in situational ties and shared social connections that outwardly appear friendly but are fraught with underlying competition, jealousy, or distrust.”
Unlike genuine friendships, the researchers found that frenemy relationships displayed three prominent characteristics:

1.Competitiveness (viewing the other more as a rival to outdo than a friend to support)
2.Jealousy (either in terms of social connections or material possessions)
3.Distrust (a lack of respect and care in the friendship)
The dynamic was described by some interviewees as ‘hot and cold,’ with the frenemy repeatedly giving mixed signals as they shifted between friend-like and foe-like mentalities.
While many of these relationships were found embedded in unavoidable social circles and networks like family, school, and work, some participants stated that frenemy relationships evolved from seemingly true friendships that became pressured due to external circumstances.
Interestingly, having a frenemy was more of a ‘felt’ experience than a verbally defined label. In other words, frenemy relationships have an element of ‘unspokenness’ in them.
This is not to say that frenemy relationships don’t come with their own silver linings. Some interviewees shared positive outcomes amidst the dark cloud of a frenemy relationship.
“For some, the outcome of having a frenemy was better awareness of what they wanted and deserved in a true friendship,” explains Abetz. “Others reflected on those teachable life lessons — and that having a frenemy highlighted future relational red flags for them."
Here are two thoughts shared by interviewees that highlight the positive side of their experience with frenemies:

* “I’m more cautious, I see how they treat others before I get close to them.”
* “You learn how people are and what signs to look out for in a friend. It helps you reconsider all the earlier signs.”
Experience with frenemies or frenemy-like relationships underscores the importance of learning what a good friendship looks and feels like by having experience with a wide range of social relationships. This is especially important for children and adolescents to understand as they learn how to navigate the social world. They need to know that while no friendship is perfect, frenemy dynamics are not genuine friendships and they should not feel compelled to maintain them if there is a clear undercurrent of distrust.
“It is important for parents and educators to be able to assist adolescents in identifying unhealthy relational patterns and how they manifest in friendships,” says Abetz. “While learning how to make and be a friend is one of the central developmental tasks of elementary school, as children age they still need guidance and support navigating challenging friendship dynamics.”
Abetz hopes that her research not only helps people define a somewhat indescribable relationship feeling but that it can be used to teach young adults how to seek out more positive relationships in their own lives.

reference:
psychology today

link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/social-instincts/202304/what-does-the-term-frenemy-really-mean
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The Troubling Truth About Drinking in Moderation

It appears that no amount of alcohol is good for you.

It turns out that drinking moderate amounts of alcohol daily does not—as previously thought—protect against heart disease or contribute to a longer life. Apologies if your alcohol consumption depends in part on this popular belief and (until now) useful rationalization.
For decades, scientific studies suggested moderate drinking was better for most people’s health than not drinking at all, and could even boost longevity. But, a new analysis of more than 40 years of research has concluded that many of those studies were flawed and that the opposite is true.
Just published in JAMA Network Open, this meta-analysis reviewed 107 observational studies that involved more than 4.8 million people. The massive study stressed that previous estimates of the benefits of moderate alcohol consumption on the risk of death by “all causes” — meaning anything, including heart disease, cancer, infections, and automobile accidents — were “significantly” biased by flaws in study design.
According to the researchers, earlier research did not adjust for numerous factors that could influence the outcome, for example, age, sex, economic status, and lifestyle behaviors such as exercise, smoking, and diet. Using statistical software, they essentially removed such bias, adjusting for various factors that could skew the research. After doing so, there were no significant declines in the risk of death by any cause among the moderate drinkers.[1]
While these previous observational studies could identify potential links or correlations, they could also be misleading and didn’t prove cause and effect. Moreover, they failed to recognize that many light and moderate drinkers had other healthy habits and advantages and that non-drinkers used as a comparison group often included people who had given up alcohol after developing health problems.
This represents the largest study to effectively call B.S. on the widely held belief that moderate drinking of wine or other alcoholic beverages is healthy. In contrast, it found that the risk of numerous health problems, as well as that of dying prematurely, increased significantly after less than two drinks per day for women and after three per day for men.
This data adds to that of another substantial meta-analysis from 2022 in which researchers in Britain examined genetic and medical data of nearly 400,000 people and concluded that alcohol consumption at all levels was associated with increased risk of cardiovascular disease.[2]
The modern-day belief that daily alcohol consumption promotes health emerged in the 1980s, when researchers identified the so-called “French paradox,” which suggested that low rates of cardiovascular disease among men in France was associated with daily wine consumption. Although later analyses found flaws in the research, the idea that moderate drinking improved health became broadly accepted. Wine—particularly red wine—developed a reputation for having health benefits after news stories highlighted its high concentration of resveratrol, a protective antioxidant also found in blueberries and cranberries.
However, the hypothesis that moderate alcohol use is health-enhancing has come under increasing scrutiny over the years as the alcohol industry’s role in funding research became clear, revealing that many of the studies that purport the alleged health effects of alcohol have been funded by that industry. A 2020 report found that 13,500 studies have been directly or indirectly paid for by the alcohol industry.[3] Concurrently, a range of other studies has found that even moderate consumption of alcohol—including red wine—may contribute to cancers of the breast, esophagus, head and neck, high blood pressure, and atrial fibrillation, a serious heart arrhythmia.
Dietary guidelines for Americans 2020-2025 recommend that adults limit alcohol intake to two drinks or fewer a day for men and one drink or less for women, adding “that drinking less is better for health than drinking more.” The guidelines also warn that even drinking within the recommended limits may increase the overall risk of death attributable to various causes, including some types of cancer and heart disease, even at levels of less than one drink per day.[4]
This past January, Canada issued new guidelines warning that no amount of alcohol consumption is healthy and urges people to reduce drinking as much as possible. Issued by the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction, the new guidance was a significant departure from its 2011 guidelines, which recommended women limit themselves to no more than 10 standard drinks a week and men no more than 15.[5]
Alcohol is the most used recreational drug, and unfortunately, for those who enjoy drinking for relaxation and recreation, this is unwelcome news. As comforting as it might be to think that it’s good for one’s health, increasingly the science simply does not support it. The extensive new research decimates the hope of many that moderate alcohol use is healthy and makes clear that people should not drink alcohol for the express purpose of improving their health. If maintaining and/or improving health is your priority, in terms of alcohol consumption, less is more.

reference:
psychology today

link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/some-assembly-required/202304/alcohol-is-not-good-for-your-health-even-in-moderation
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The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding

Research examines the relationship between traumatic abuse and bonding.

A recent study by Effiong et al. suggests empathy intensifies traumatic bonding—the formation of a strong bond between the victim and his/her abuser. Published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the study is discussed below.
But first, a few definitions.
What is empathy?
Empathy is defined in a number of ways. Depending on the definition chosen, its meaning may overlap with similar concepts, such as empathic concern, emotional empathy, cognitive empathy, sympathy, care, and compassion.
According to a commonly used definition, empathy is composed of affective and cognitive empathy:
Affective/emotional empathy refers to the ability to generate an appropriate emotional response to another person’s emotions. Affective empathy overlaps with sympathy and compassion.
Cognitive/intellectual empathy refers to the ability to understand another person’s psychological state and point of view (to put oneself in another’s shoes). Cognitive empathy is related to theory of mind.
In the study by Effiong and colleagues, empathy was assessed using the Basic Empathy Scale, which measures both affective and cognitive empathy.
What is traumatic bonding?
Traumatic bonding refers to the formation of a powerful emotional attachment, due to repeated cycles of violence, between the victim and the abuser (whether a boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, or complete stranger).
The fact that the abuse often comes in cycles—meaning that the violence is interspersed with positive reinforcement—also explains, in part, why victims find it difficult to leave their abusers.
For instance, after harming the victim, the abuser may (in an apparent reversal of power) apologize profusely, beg for forgiveness, or behave with great love and surprising tenderness.
Nevertheless, sooner or later, the next cycle of violence occurs, confusing the victim.
Another reason victims of abuse don’t leave has to do with their low self-worth. As the maltreatment continues, the victims—with their self-esteem eroded—find themselves in an increasingly powerless and dependent position.
In fact, they may no longer even believe that they deserve to be treated with kindness, dignity, and respect. This makes it much harder to stand up to the abuser and risk more rejection and humiliation.
The three dimensions of traumatic bonding
Traumatic bonding has three dimensions:
1. Core Stockholm syndrome: Associated with interpersonal trauma, cognitive distortions (e.g., rationalization, self-blame, seeing the abuser as a victim), unrealistic hope for things getting better on their own, believing love will prevent the abuser’s aggression, etc. Many of these behaviors are essentially (dysfunctional) coping mechanisms.
2. Psychological damage: Associated with depression, interpersonal difficulties, low self-esteem, the loss of sense of self, and many symptoms commonly seen in borderline personality disorder, like fear of abandonment or never finding a loving partner after leaving the abusive relationship.
3. Love dependency: Associated with assuming that one’s survival is dependent on the abusive partner’s love and protection, thinking the abuser’s love would be worth any pain, experiencing a loss of identity when alone, and believing that one would have nothing to live for without the partner.
Let us now turn to the new research on the link between empathy and traumatic bonding.
Investigating traumatic bonding in victims of intimate partner violence
Sample: 345 women from the Sexual Assault Referral Centre (n = 145) and the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (n = 200) in Nigeria; average age of 36 years old (18-61 range); married an average of 10 years.

Measures
1. Intimate partner violence: Measured with the short version of the Composite Abuse Scale (30 items). Participants were asked about the frequency of emotionally or physically abusive behavior by an intimate partner. Sample items: “Slapped me”; “Told me that I wasn’t good enough”; “Harassed me at work”; or “Tried to rape me.”
2. Empathy: Measured with the Basic Empathy Scale (20 items). For example: “After being with a friend who is sad about something, I usually feel sad,” and “I can often understand how people are feeling even before they tell me.”
3. Traumatic bonding: Assessed with the Stockholm Syndrome Scale (49 items). For instance: “Without my partner, I have nothing to live for”; “I cannot make decisions”; “When others ask me how I feel about something, I do not know”; “I both love and fear my partner”; and “If I give my partner enough love, he will stop getting so angry at me.”
Results
Analysis of the data showed empathy was a mediator of the relationship between intimate partner violence and traumatic bonding, including core Stockholm syndrome, psychological damage, and love dependency.
So, for all three aspects of traumatic bonding, empathy appears to be a path through which intimate partner violence is “translated and intensified” into traumatic bonding.
Takeaway
Empathy, particularly cognitive empathy—meaning the ability to understand another person’s psychological state—appears to be a pathway through which intimate partner violence intensifies traumatic bonding.
One way of explaining this finding is that victims use their empathic ability to rationalize the mistreatment they endure.
For instance, they may view the perpetrator as a victim, a victim who needs their help or one who cannot be held responsible for the aggression or abuse.
Such rationalizations are not surprising. After all, with their self-esteem and sense of self eroded by abuse, these women find it difficult to generate self-compassion and are instead prone to guilt, self-blame, and self-sacrifice.
Not only do victims of intimate partner violence tend to feel unworthy of respect, kindness, and love, but many also feel they will never find someone who treats them well.
Since victims additionally believe they cannot survive on their own (due to impaired autonomy), they find it extremely difficult to leave the toxic relationship, and as a result continue to suffer terribly. Unless, of course, they seek therapy and try to break this vicious cycle.

reference:
psychology today

link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/finding-a-new-home/202207/the-surprising-role-of-empathy-in-traumatic-bonding
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