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How to stay connected with a teenager

Maintaining positive connections with your teen can be difficult as they begin to find independence.

This can be a challenging time for parents and teens to stay connected. Adolescents can react with a heightened sense of emotion and be more impulsive with their decisions.

I often hear parents during this period ask why a child they’d previously felt so close to is now so distant, so the question here is why?  

Here are some reasons why this may is happening:

Scientists have established there are several key changes in brain development during adolescence. As braincells and brain pathways connect more rapidly they perform better; each area of growth and behaviour change can really challenge the teen/parent relationship. This biological change is necessary as it supports coordinated thought, actions, and behaviours for a teenager’s transition to adulthood.

Teens become more outward looking as they explore their identity, focused on establishing connections with others away from their carers. As they develop new interests and become more influenced by people their age, they can begin to copy those they admire. At this stage teens can also misread facial expressions or cues, which is why they’re so quick to argue. The more logical area of their brain is still being built.


How to stay connected in a positive way
Hold in mind change is fast for teenagers in all areas: physically, socially, and psychologically. Coping with fears about relationships, fitting in, self-worth, hoping for acceptance – these can all heighten anxiety. Being emotionally available and empathic even when you are being challenging is key so press pause and acknowledge how difficult this process is. It will allow you to be open and be compassionate with your teen and yourself.
Remember social connection is vital for a child’s wellbeing. A good laugh with friends can introduce all the feel-good chemicals that help low mood or depression.
Avoid stereotyping adolescents and being hyper-critical. Enjoy their company as a new and exciting social connection.
Don’t underestimate how much they value their friends. It’s safer to be curious and non-judgemental within reason. Teens are full of interesting new topics and fashions. If they’re interested in a music artist, get to know the sounds rather than dismissing it. You may gain a shared interest.
Expressing how you feel or showing how you manage under stress can help a teen talk about their large and difficult feelings.
If they’re shouting and being unreasonable, try not to escalate the situation by joining in. They’re probably too angry or hurt to hear. Communicate later when things are calm.

What to look out for unhealthy connections and choices
When facing identity insecurity, teens may follow a group who they think is exciting or offers a sense of belonging. Look out for signs of risk-taking or dangerous behaviour which can be exciting initially, but develop into more serious difficulties:

going under the radar, truanting, dropping out from college or university
self -harm
weight loss, slurred speech, unexplained bruises and cuts, scalds, burns
erratic behaviour, becoming withdrawn, abusive and violent.

When connection is too difficult, psychotherapy can help
Sometimes communication has broken down and it’s important to open the channels again. This can be possible in a safe, non-judgemental space where even the most challenging issues can be thought about. Some teens find talking much too challenging. Exploring their feelings through the safety of imagery and the arts is a useful alternative to talking. Getting help early on can safeguard against issues affecting long-term mental health.

42 replies
  1. Napoleon Messenger
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  2. Alireza noche
    Alireza noche says:

    In my opinion, it is a challenging time when a child has trouble with his parents
    Time of adolescence is the time of a person’s irritability
    And this disrupts the relationships of families and their surprise, but the change in adolescents is quite natural. In this time, the person seeks his identity and the logic part of the person grows, and at this time he needs all the support of his mother and father to complete all his brain development and personality.

  3. Monir Vakili
    Monir Vakili says:

    Hi Professor This article was very useful and practical because I also have two teenager at home and I know how difficult it is to understand and comprehend their challenges in this society. Science has developed and has greatly influenced the development process of teenagers so that parents don’t have the ability to understand them. But I think we can become aware of their thoughts by updating ourselves and can comprehend a little of their problems.

  4. ghazal moulayi poor
    ghazal moulayi poor says:

    Teenagers just typically aren’t good at coming up with conversation topics. Their lives often revolve around their school friends / social lives, and parents are likely not a big part of that. They(parents) have to be interested in their hobbies or find other topics that they find interesting.

  5. Kimiya khoshbin
    Kimiya khoshbin says:

    ‏All people go through difficult times during adolescence
    ‏During this period, many negative feelings involve them
    ‏They often feel that no one loves them or no one
    ‏understands them These are very difficult times
    ‏At this time, they should receive at least the sympathy and companionship of their parents
    ‏To understand the best, parents should study
    ‏more to understand their children’s feelings
    ‏Help from an expert is also very effective

  6. Mobina Mohammadinia
    Mobina Mohammadinia says:

    Hello, parents should give their children independence and freedom. Independence and freedom do not mean leaving the child alone, but his emotions and feelings should be respected.

  7. Anis Farasat
    Anis Farasat says:

    Limiting and controlling teenagers too much by their parents means that teenagers become more and more distant from their parents, and the way teenagers think about their parents changes completely. Going around in the teenager’s things and interfering in their work can create a feeling of insecurity for the teenager. Not understanding, not empathizing, not listening to their words, their way of thinking, their feelings and their confusion are among the things that teenagers expect from their parents, but most of the ignorant parents don’t know this, and this causes the teenager to move away from them, and the teenager’s trust in his parents is gone.

  8. Mona mollakazemi
    Mona mollakazemi says:

    In my opinion, in order to have a good relationship with teenagers, we should be able to freely express our feelings and know that we are understood and consult each other easily.

  9. Sara ebadi
    Sara ebadi says:

    Sara ebadi
    Parents often try to invade their teen’s privacy. Teenagers are often upset by such behavior and tend to show their disobedience more and express their displeasure. In fact, they are not interested in sharing their privacy with their parents.

  10. Mohadese salimzade
    Mohadese salimzade says:

    Hi teacher, thank you for your good article, it was very interesting for me and in this article I realized that the feelings of teenagers have a direct relationship with the family. And the family should value the feelings of their children.

  11. Sahel nafary
    Sahel nafary says:

    Boys and girls become very sensitive during their teenage years due to physical, hormonal and developmental changes, and during this period it is very important for parents to deal with them correctly and away from tension, fights and constant advice. , the stress and anxiety of the teenager and his demands from life, complaints about the appearance and the interior, are greatly intensified. At this time, parents should try to become friends with their teenager and understand his interests and desires and get excited about the issues that their child is interested in and has talent for.

  12. Nasim vafaii
    Nasim vafaii says:

    I think that in order to communicate with teenagers and create a good relationship, sometimes we have to put ourselves in their position and think and comment from their point of view.

  13. iliyamojir
    iliyamojir says:

    Adolescence is the most important period in a person’s life because it is associated with intellectual and physical maturity. As a parent, you should have the ability to change the way you communicate with your child as he grows up. You need to become friends with your child so that you can be aware of what happens to him as an adult, and you can solve problems together.

  14. Fatemeh noorzadeh
    Fatemeh noorzadeh says:

    Hello sir,
    Well about this amazing article I wanna say that , it’s completely necessary for parents or also for every one to learn these things.
    If we do it , If we all learn how to treat with teenagers just as you mentioned I believe it that we would have happier and healthier society too.

  15. Mohadeseh mohseni
    Mohadeseh mohseni says:

    As we read we should try to be friend with them and try not to hurt their feelings because it’s effective on their hole life

  16. Mobina Mokhtari
    Mobina Mokhtari says:

    Hello master,
    Well, when I was reading the article I just remembered my fifteenth till eighteenth. I could feel every words clearly and I agreed with all of them. About the ways you mentioned about communicating with teenagers I was going to cry also because I think how bad I was treated in that years and I wish I can use all of your advices for teenagers I know or I can help to them , not to be hurt.
    It was great sir.

  17. Ghazale Derafshi
    Ghazale Derafshi says:

    Hi professor
    I think parents should try to stay involved with their teenagers lives but shouldn’t directly interfere with it. teens want more freedom and independence. one of the reason why many parents feel disconnected with their teens it probably is because their disagreements about their lives decisions.

  18. Soudabeh ashoori
    Soudabeh ashoori says:

    Hi Professor. Good time. I am Sudabeh Ashoori. Your student. I am very happy that you did not deprive us of the important experiences and information you have. Communicating with teenagers And maintaining a relationship is very difficult. Because when a teenager reaches puberty, it will be difficult to maintain a relationship with him. Teenagers have a special way of thinking. You have to understand him and understand him. Parents and society can be a great help to this segment of society by increasing their information. Thank you, dear master. The

  19. Ghazale Derafshi
    Ghazale Derafshi says:

    besides everything mentioned here, I think there are 3 other important things to keep in mind :
    1- Avoid both lecturing and interrogating teens as they might find it too harsh and it might result in more disconnection
    2-Staying involved with their lives but trying to directly interfere
    3- understanding that they are no longer kids and walk with them in any path they choose in life but know when to prevent them from curtain mistake.

  20. Zeynb nami
    Zeynb nami says:

    This article is very useful and practical. In my opinion, to communicate with teenagers, you need to respect them and provide them with a space where they feel comfortable and safe. Also, space should be provided for them so that they can talk to you about their issues and you also listen to them and give them a proper answer. As a result, this article can be used as an excellent guide to increase communication with teenagers.

  21. Sanaz Saadati
    Sanaz Saadati says:

    If you are angry or upset, now is not the time to communicate with your teen, so try to be alone for a while and then talk to him about what happened. 3. Listen without judgment or advice. When your teen talks to you, it’s important to listen without judging, mocking, interrupting, criticizing, or giving advice.

  22. Darya Ghaderi
    Darya Ghaderi says:

    Many parents say that our child has moved away from us and is no longer the same as before. Well, the truth is that when teenagers achieve their identity, they come to the conclusion that the generation gap has made them not understand their parents, and it is good that Both the child and the parents should seek help from a psychologist to understand and empathize more with each other.

  23. Marzieh
    Marzieh says:

    Great article, I think it provides some great advice for parents who want to stay connected with their teenager. It’s important for parents to have open communication with their teen and give them space to express themselves and their opinions.

  24. Soudabeh Ashoori
    Soudabeh Ashoori says:

    my dearest:
    Professor. Hello. I am very happy that you gave me this opportunity to use your useful content.

  25. Niloofar khoshdel
    Niloofar khoshdel says:

    Hello, dear doctor I am niloofar khoshdel from Iranian University. This age period is very sensitive and challenging for both teenagers and parents. In addition to your useful writings, I must say that in my opinion, parents should prepare themselves before their child reaches puberty. And since childhood, they should be able to establish a sincere relationship with their child. They should behave appropriately for the situation and record themselves in a logical and intellectual way (and not fanatical) in their child’s thoughts. This issue makes the teenager more confident. find parents. Remote control can prevent the possible dangerous aspects of this age group. Thank you for this article, it was very useful, my dear professor.

  26. Hasti Razzazchian
    Hasti Razzazchian says:

    It was a great article
    In my view point the main fact to stay connected with the teenagers is to truly understand their needs and desire, put ourselves in their shoes and try to see the world from their eyes.
    Life is changing so fast and sometimes it hard to cope with it but in order to support the teens we always need to make sure to assist them to reach out to their goals as best as we can and its achievable by understanding them deeply and kind of active listening .

  27. mahnaz nouruzi
    mahnaz nouruzi says:

    hi dear professor
    in my opinion Parents who have teenagers must first understand that their children are grown up. Many problems come from the fact that parents still think they have a two-year-old child, a teenager.
    It has undergone mental, physical and emotional changes and needs proper understanding.
    During this period, teenagers protest that they see their parents as a child and do not understand them that they will grow up and can do their work and make their own decisions. If you can be close with your teenager and reduce your disagreements and learn the method of parenting with sincerity and authority.

    good luck

  28. fatemeh zare
    fatemeh zare says:

    Hello, dear teacher. I read your article and enjoyed it. In my opinion, the main reason that causes problems in teenagers is that they are in a period between childhood and adulthood. According to some people, they are considered children, and according to others, they are considered adults. In my opinion, adolescence is an important age, while being sensitive, because that person’s personality is formed in it. Teenagers at this age need more understanding from the family. Some families with excessive control and psychological pressure on teenagers cause them to not grow well as they should and have a negative effect on them.

    My name is Fatemeh Zare, a student at Iranian University

  29. Nadia Norouzi
    Nadia Norouzi says:

    Hi, I hope you will be fine
    I think that there is a sentence hidden in all these points that we try to reach with different methods
    And that is nothing but “correct understanding of a child in adolescence”
    It is the primary and most important thing in the education and companionship of teenagers

  30. Masoumeh Ashoury
    Masoumeh Ashoury says:

    Hello. In this article, very good things have been said about how to communicate with a teenager. For example, if parents want to have a positive relationship with their child, they should have tips such as: avoiding being too critical, not underestimating the values ​​of their friends. and… or if they see their child withdrawn and violent behavior etc., they will realize that their child has an unhealthy relationship and choice.

  31. Hedieh masomi
    Hedieh masomi says:

    This article shows that no matter how much parents try to disagree with their teenage children and do not understand them and are always judging them, they not only do not get close to them, but they become further and further away.

  32. Fateme Kamandi
    Fateme Kamandi says:

    According to this article, we should pay more attention to our behavior with teenagers because they are at a sensitive age and may behave irrationally or emotionally, so if we have a reciprocal behavior, we will make them stay away from us.

  33. کیمیا احمدوند
    کیمیا احمدوند says:

    This article tries to show that we should be tolerant with our teenagers and consider them as a social relationship, and if this relationship is friendly, it will cause them to follow us as an example, and we should not underestimate them.

  34. Maryam farajkhah
    Maryam farajkhah says:

    Hi l think. Reducing behavioral problems with teenagers by parents choosing the method of friendship with their children so that they can easily be aware of their problems and prevent risks.

  35. Fateme Alijanpoor
    Fateme Alijanpoor says:

    It was a really good and useful article, as well as interesting and full of importance.

    • کیمیا احمدوند
      کیمیا احمدوند says:

      This article tries to show that we should be tolerant with our teenagers and consider them as a social relationship, and if this relationship is friendly, it will cause them to follow us as an example, and we should not underestimate them.

  36. Maryam farajkhah
    Maryam farajkhah says:

    Issues related to teenagers are very important and we must find ways to deal with these teenagers at a sensitive age. In my opinion, friendship with parents is the most important way to prevent problems.

  37. Maryam .farajkhah
    Maryam .farajkhah says:

    Hello you mentioned the issues of teenagers very well and your effort is commendable and excellent it was very useful

  38. Maryam farajkhah
    Maryam farajkhah says:

    Hi In my opinion, the content was completely relevant and comprehensive, and thank you very much for collecting this useful content also dealing with new youth has become extremely difficult and this article is helpful.

  39. Setare rezaei
    Setare rezaei says:

    I found out of this article that adolescent feelings have a direct relationship with the family receiving the family and generally have a great role in the formation of adolescent behavior.


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