How to Give Advice Your Children Will Listen to and Follow
Carefully consider what you say and how you say it.
As parents, you will advise your children throughout their lives, and you will likely feel that certain advice is especially critical for your children to hear. But how can you ensure that your child will listen to your messages? What follows is context for understanding some of the factors that can affect your children's receptivity to guidance, as well as some suggestions about ways you can communicate to promote their listening. One quality that constitutes good counsel is presenting your children with possible actions they might implement that fit their character or personality. Most of us have had the opportunity to witness peers or colleagues handle situations in ways we admire but that feel foreign to us. When you present solutions to your children, consider the temperamental or maturational differences between you and them that might make your suggestions difficult to enact. While you want to stretch your children's capacity to try different problem-solving solutions, it’s important that the solutions you offer aren’t ones they will be unlikely to use. You may also think there is one optimal way your children should respond in a given situation, especially if you believe that their responding any differently would encourage someone to mistreat them. Although you may be right, remember that you are in this for the long haul. You are not just trying to give the best advice in the moment, but cultivating in your children the necessary skills to make good decisions down the road when you might not be around to influence their actions. To encourage reasonable and healthy risk-taking, it is important to communicate that their minor missteps are not tragedies. Help them know that your goal for them is autonomous, thoughtful problem-solving that they reflect upon and revise accordingly. How advice is delivered often determines the likelihood that it will be used. Because most of us don't want to hear what we're doing wrong, the manner in which our flaws are pointed out to us is critical. For many, hearing implications that there was no possibility of a positive outcome due to their actions leaves them feeling ashamed or put down. Even great advice will likely be ignored if it is delivered with overtones of shaming, contempt, or derision. Some people are more sensitive than others to feedback when the delivery is perceived to be harsh. Think whether, in offering your children advice, you are intimating something fixed about their character that will shift their focus from the corrective action you want them to take and make them focus instead on what a disappointment they think they are to you. You don't want your child's attention divided between taking and implementing your present advice and defending their past actions. Are you a parent who communicates your judgment of others openly? If so, your children will quickly learn the criteria for your praise and criticism. They will also grow to know what you think about their actions. It will not matter if you openly express your opinions or not. This is called vicarious learning, and parents frequently teach in this way, though often unknowingly. For example, if your children watch you dismiss or think little of people you believe are lazy, they will know, when you casually suggest that they don’t seem very goal-directed or as interested in doing well, that your words are code for “lazy” and that laziness disgusts you. How best, then, to present your feedback? For starters, try to avoid words like “always” or “never” —they are extreme and absolute, and there are usually exceptions that make such statements untrue. As I have recommended in earlier posts, it’s helpful to begin with a soft start-up that does not place blame. Start with expressions like “You may not have realized it,” “I wonder if,” and “Do you think things would have turned out differently if…?” Also, if you know reasons that would make your child less likely to take your advice, it’s a good idea to address those reasons from the outset. For example, if they fear you are undercutting their autonomy, then be clear that that is not your intention. This helps dispel any misperceptions about why you are offering your guidance. If you would like your children to consider other options than the ones they seem inclined to pursue, consider gentle reflecting questions like these: “What's your goal?” “What are you hoping will happen?” “Is there something that you're hoping for in the other person’s response?” “Do you think they will be receptive?” “Have you thought of how you will feel if they're not receptive?” “Will it bother you?” As your child gets older, you can be more explicit with them about your intentions and ask them directly about the best ways for you to offer advice. For example, “You know that my wish as a parent is to help you navigate tricky situations with more ease and success than I did. But I also realize that I may not always offer advice in ways you like. Can you give me an idea of what approach works best for you?” Any of these scripts are drafts that you can change to sound truer to your own voice. And just as I am suggesting that your children may not come up with the perfect solution for any given situation, you may not either in terms of how you offer them advice. And remember to check in with your children later to see how things worked out. Besides asking them whether their strategy was successful, you can also ask if there is something more you could have done or said to be supportive. You, too, will get better at this with time. reference: psychology today link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/school-culture/202305/how-to-give-advice-your-children-will-listen-to-and-follow
Personal opinion: One of the most important ways of talking to a child is what to say, how to say it and when to say it, and to remember, according to Mr. Glaser, we are only responsible for teaching, regardless of whether we want to have external control, because external control even if the education department Let your child feel that he can be controlled
But the fact is that some parents, despite their inner desire, sometimes take the path of domination and dictatorship due to the pressures of life or fatigue and busyness, or on the contrary, they leave the teenager alon.
I barely read articles with this topics and I am excited to read this topic. in my opinion communication and talking in a friendly manner is better than giving advice because when you talk to your children both of you are participating and you do not order them to do something even for their own good.
Have a great day Dr.
Instead of giving advice, the best way to help our kids make good decisions is to talk about how we make decisions. In your casual conversation with your kids, talk out loud about how you put in effort to do the right thing.
dear dr Itwas a very good thing.i think We should try to strengthen listening skills in ourselves and our children.Parents should be like a friend for their child.The closeness of the parents to gether is effective for the child.
Hello, it is necessary for parents to behave properly with their children and guide or advise them if needed. If they behave in a friendly manner with their children, they will definitely get great results and their relationship with their children will be strengthened.
Since children set their parents as role models in most fields, parents should be careful in their behavior and words. It is necessary for parents to support their children at different stages of their lives and to assure them that they will be by their side and support them at all stages; It makes children feel more comfortable and safe than their parents.
In my opinion, the tone of speech is very important and giving advice in such a way that it has the effect of burying its own principles and parents’ behavior affects the child more than their words.
In my opinion, families should have good morals and behavior with their children so that children do not get into trouble and understand unity.
I believe that kids are a little bit intractable and don’t listen to anyone but themselves or sometimes their friends.
But still it was such a helpful article and it’ll help me out to treat right with my younger brother.
When it speaks like an intimate comrade he orshe becomes more and more. Itis spoken out of the pady, interesting
I think that parents should listen carefully to their children and understand what they want and need.so many advices are not useful for children cause it hasn’t any relate to their problems.Advices are useful that has connection with their needs and answer their questions about life.thanks for article.
this topics is what our society needs. the majority of families dont know how to talk to their children and it will have bad effects in childrens future.
I read your article to my mother and she liked it too, she is trying to communicate more with my little sisters and myself, thank God, I did not think that your article would be useful for my mother.
Your writings are beautiful, they are the words of our hearts. I wish we would raise our awareness a little before becoming parents so that we would face less problems. Now, as parents, we have no knowledge of issues such as depression, stress, and our emotional factors behave as if They always did the right thing and we are the ones who always behaved hastily
From this article, I realized that one of the good features of counseling for children is to consider their personality, for example, we should consider the intellectual and developmental differences of ourselves and our children, which may make the implementation of decisions difficult and different, and we should not ask them to do things that It is unlikely to be done
Find the cause
Most of the time, when kids don’t pay attention to what we say, they are busy doing something that they are focused on, but when your child constantly ignores what you say, maybe he has a problem with his hearing system. Do the steps mentioned above and divide your request into smaller parts. If you are still worried, consult your child’s doctor so that he can refer you to an audiologist.
I am an english teacher and i worked with kids from 3 yo to 6 yo and i believe the most thing you should do is understand them and listen to them.
Nowadays kids are very smart and confident so they need you to understand their needs and their words
you should be someone they respect so they listen to you and love you
In my opinion, at the first stage, parents should try to establish a friendly relationship with their child, and talk to him from the point of view of a friend, not a parent. Sometimes it is only necessary for parents to listen to their child’s words and, if necessary, share their bitter and sweet experiences with their child, try to give their child the necessary independence and support him. Sometimes children need attention and support. They need the friendship of their parents, not advice and commands and prohibitions.
Giving advice to children in order to teach them correct moral and behavioral principles requires special vigilance and tact from parents, sometimes giving advice in the wrong way is the same as scolding, not only does it not have positive effects, but the child rises up to oppose it.
I think parents should look at the problems from the children’s point of view and remind them that their problems are not so big that they can’t be fixed.
to me Children may not have a long attention span, so it’s important to be clear and concise when giving advice.
i think being posetive is imporant .When giving advice, try to focus on the positive aspects of the situation. Encourage the child and help them see the good in what they’re going through
I think parents shouldn’t be too critical of their mistakes in the first place. If you try to ridicule them for every minor mistake, then they’ll eventually stop listening to your advice. A parent should understand their child/children frustration and help them to understand making mistakes is not the end of the road and should always look to improve themselves and parents should be ones to guide. To summarize it, you should speak in their language. A soft and wise language they understand.
In my opinion, giving advice and guiding is an ability and it is very important to be able to leave a positive effect on people with our advice, not a negative effect.
I think parents shouldn’t be too critical in the first place. If you try to ridicule them for every minor mistake, then they’ll eventually stop listening to your advice. A parent should understand their child/children frustration and help them to understand making mistakes is not the end of the road and should always look to improve themselves and parents should be ones to guide them. To summarize it, you should speak in their language. A soft and wise language they understand.
Tnx for giving this advices i tried to them in my class due to the fact that i’m teacher and all my students are too young soap they helped me to promote my self
In my opinion, following up on the child’s work after guidance is more important than the guidance itself, because this guidance can be provided by anyone, but nothing gives the child a feeling of support like following up with parents.
Children are our mirrors, and however we deal with them, they treat us the same way.
Parents and children should behave in a mutual manner, because if parents have a nervous attitude toward their children, the child learns and behaves in the same way.
Parents should understand and encourage their children.
In my opinion, parents should respect their children’s opinions and not talk to their children nervously, because it affects the child’s morale.
Hello professor, it was a very good article and I also have a series of suggestions related to dealing with children correctly, such as: ways to give basic advice to children.
Practice your own words.
Be polite when giving advice
Do not accompany your advice with blame
Do not give your advice in the form of orders
Do not taunt your child while admonishing him
Parents should be like a friend with their child. To fell their child. another suggestion is to visit a counselors they give good advise. The most important point is teaching our child everything by playing games. Teach them how to listen to us.
Parents should be like a friend for their child. Then they can expect their child listen to them. Another suggestion is to talk to counselor they give parents good advice.
I think parents should look at the problems from the children’s point of view and remind them that their problems are not so big that they can’t be fixed. Besides that, they should offer solutions to them according to their child’s personality and temperament. more tangible and understandable so that he wants to accept and use them. But as an adult, seeing children and advising them, we instilled in them the feeling of being weak, and the child may feel very bad about himself for not being able to behave in a mature manner despite his age.
Hello professor Professor, in my opinion, every parent should read your article because they can maintain a better relationship with their child and give them proper education.
From this article, I realized that we should not ask our children to do things that they are unlikely to do. Children quickly learn to praise and criticize us and want to know what we think about their actions. If our children do not find a suitable solution for different situations. We should do everything we can and tell them that we support them.
The question that arises is how far this softness and gentleness can be observed and also what should be done when counseling, guidance and direction to the children is necessary
The more you love and support your child, the more you get better results.
We should try to strengthen listening skills in ourselves and our children.
Parents should not be strict, nor should they be lax, however, the middle ground is the best way.
I wish all the people who were ruined in life were not abandoned by their parents and were close with them, if that was the case, this would never have happened.
Hello, raising children is a serious matter because they are going to become parents themselves in the future, and they should learn the relationship between parents and children well from childhood.
I am Marzieh Hezbi from Iranian University.
In my opinion, we as parents should not give constant advice because it causes stubbornness in the child, and for the advice to be effective, we should be with our child and establish a heart and emotional relationship and have a soft tone.
Thank you, dear doctor, it was a very effective and informative article
Love and kindness to the child is a suitable way to achieve successful advice
Intimacy with the child makes us a friend in her mind and she listens to our words.
It was excellent, Professor, in my opinion, the advice should be in such a way that it is not mandatory, and compromise with the child is acceptable.
The closeness of the parents to gether is effective for the child.
correct and instructive be havior with the child.
correct conversation with the child.
parents communication is effective
The article is very useful and practical, we should not pass the negative charge of some words easily.
Im Marzieh Hezbi from Iranian university.
parents should be friends with their children and create intimacy.
Many things can be mentioned in this article about raising children
It seems that in the first stage, parents should reach a position and try to have a better upbringing with their own efforts.
In my opinion, when giving advice, avoid ugly nicknames such as sloppy, unsatisfied, clumsy, clumsy, and other things. Advice with threats leads the teenager to mental resistance and stubbornness. So don’t threaten him with sentences like “if one more time.
In my opinion, when giving advice, avoid ugly nicknames such as sloppy, unsatisfied, clumsy, clumsy, and other things. Advice with threats leads the teenager to mental resistance and stubbornness. So don’t threaten him with sentences like “if one more time…”
If parents always judge others in front of ther children,the child will develop a judgmental persona lity??
hi dear professor
in my opinion both parents and children should not impose their opinion on each other.they should listen and think very well to each other and their ideas.
hi dear professor
in my opinion both parents and children should not impose their opinion on each other.they should listen and think very well to each other and their ideas.
It is really difficult to give advice to children, especially during adolescence, especially advice that is effective and the child acts on it. Maybe there are reasons such as parents and children not understanding each other. Addiction makes this work difficult and I completely agree with the negative charge of the words in the article such as never always
Instead of blaming, it is better to praise
Hello, dear teacher. It was great. As a mother, it is difficult for me to convey my advice to my son so that he does not become guarded towards me. According to my experience, when I blame him on a matter, I get a good result, but when I blame him I participate in my conversations and give him a chance to reach an understanding, the result will be good.
leila asghari asl.iranian university
Hello dear professor
In my opinion the families should know
don’t treat immorality , interfere and quarrel with their children.
So the families should guide with calm and patient their children.
I think it was an interesting article, one should avoid talking harshly with the child and deal with the child’s issues and problems in a friendly manner and be a good listener for the children’s words and try to understand their feelings.
Hello
In my opinion, the goal of some parents in giving advice and training is to help their children achieve the paths they did not take or the successes they could not achieve
Hello, in my opinion, the goal of some parents in giving advice and education is that their children will achieve the paths they did not follow or the successes they could not achieve
I think If you feel the need to give your kids advice, one of the most important things you can do is to ask yourself where your need to give advice is coming from. Usually, parents want to give advice to quell their own anxiety or because they feel giving advice makes them more valued as a parent.
Hi professor
Itwas a very good thing. the affection of parent is growing in the minds of the children. When it speaks like an intimate comrade he orshe becomes more and more. Itis spoken out of the pady
Proximity learning means
I think it is very important to give advice to your child to listen well
Hi professor lthink we should do our best to teach our children all the good thing and treat them in a friendly manner not domineering and angry children follow examples very quickly we have a duty to make time for them
wow!!
is perfect😍
It is a well-written article, unfortunately many of parents don’t have the communication and listening skills to advice their children in a supportive and effective way, which ruin the trust and respect between them.
In my opinion, you should avoid immediate and quick solutions to problems by giving advice to the child. Instead of giving advice, let’s accept their feelings and reflect on them and listen to their words well.
Hello Professor. Good time.
I am Soudabeh Ashoori. Proudly your student from Iranian University.
In the context of this article and how to listen to children.
In the first field, in my opinion, parents should reach a peace that they can pass on to their children.
A child is calm if he has calm parents.
As a mother, if I have mental and spiritual peace
I can certainly listen to my child with a calm mind.
in my opinion the ways of talking with our children were good and acceptable.we can use good words for talking and be patience with them….we should comprehend them and listen to them…. the ways that mentioned were so amazing and the is they are working!I hope that seeing text like again cause it’s so helpful in our connection.
Hello dear professor
In my opinion the families should know
don’t treat immorality , interfere and quarrel with their children.
So the families should guide with calm and patient their children.
It was interesting
This article was great. In my opinion, children remember our behaviors and words very quickly, and with our correct behaviors, we can advise and encourage them correctly.